"Dreams reflect the parts of our lives that we are not dealing with. Obeying our dreams may require suffering. Suffering deepens us. How do scars and suffering lead to transformation, I don't know but I do know that God is with us. As you follow God, you will find peace. We will find our peace by following our dreams. Dreams come from beyond the everyday world." – Pastor Carl. J. Graham

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Between 1995-2000, I was dealing with a three-ring circus of suffering that had me trying to keep my balance on a tightrope without a net. Mentally, I was unsatisfied, isolated, depressed and without ballast; emotionally, I was shamelessly (and shamefully) holding on to an Italian man who didn't reciprocate my feelings; physically I responded to these perceived deprivations, and my weight cycled through 10 pound swings; and although I had spent three years of graduate study in comparative religions and anthropology at Columbia University, my spiritual quest to find a connection to something beyond myself had not brought me much peace of mind.

"You've got to go through to get through!" These were the words I heard week in and week out spoken passionately by Carl J. Graham, pastor of Harlem's Holy Tabernacle Church. During this period I worked on a photography project called, The Spirit That Moves Through The Holy Tabernacle Church, to understand the nature of spiritual experience in this Pentecostal church.

Though I was brought up Jewish, as an adult I didn't feel drawn to explore the faith into which I was born. Instead I have been and continue to be drawn to various religious and spiritual teachers and teachings which either make sense to me or give me a sense of comfort. In Pastor Graham I saw a man who was full of wisdom and whose guidance and love I desperately needed.

Every sermon I attended was packed with incredibly profound and inspired messages. They still are. Three that spoke to me in a powerful way given what I was "going through" at the time were: forgiveness to self and others; surrender to the unknown; and openness to change.

Pastor Graham said:

Forgiveness: "Unforgiveness is dangerous."

Surrender: "You wonder why you're having a problem. It's because you're not heeding the call. He calls you through your problems, calls you through sickness. If you're chosen he calls you. He know how to call his own. He don't make no mistake. He called me and I was poor and hungry, but he didn't make no mistake."

Change: "Our problem is that we are afraid of change, we're afraid of what the change will bring."

And dreams...which I've quoted above.